.I’ve heard from elders, teachers, and historians that our most ancient civilizations destroyed themselves or became vulnerable to others when they prioritized acquisition (wealth, knowledge, resources) over cultivation (education, values, self-mastery), things over people. Our history is full of lessons that show us the rise, fall, and resurrection of one dynasty after another, generating extreme human highs (enlightenment) and lows (violence). Still none of this dictates our future. Only how we think about our past influences how we live today and the decisions we make now. Why? Because as energy beings/be-ers, we follow some simple rules:

1. Energy follows thought – “Where your attention goes, your energy flows!”
2. Thoughts become things – Situations and circumstances are the manifestation of repeated thought and speech
3. As above, below – Whatever happens in the Cosmos (outerspace/above), happens in YOU (innerspace/below)

Essentially, you are a “superstar”, literally, in physical form - a microcosm of the collection of energy and matter that surrounds us in all directions (let’s call it Nature). As Nature’s microcosm, you are modeled after it, so you function how it functions. Our various cultures and spiritual practices were originally created to help us remain harmonious with the changes and fluctuations of our environment, internally and externally. So, honoring your ancestors and embracing your history really involves examining everything around you (and available to you) today to learn how to be in harmony with yourself and others along your life journey. This is who you are, so get to shining!

How We Tend to Forget

When my wife and I married 6 years ago, it was utter bliss. We were young, ambitious and living in the Big Apple. A year and a half later, we were expecting our son and moving back to Ohio to rear him among family. He was a gift, beautiful; yet, I experienced this transition as mostly uncomfortable and painful. What happened?

Discomfort is commensurate with resistance, so the extent to which we experience a situation as uncomfortable indicates the extent to which we hold resistance about it. In my case, as a single man, I was clear about my goals, confident in my virility, and focused on creating opportunities to accomplish my dreams. I used all of the resources accessible to me to realize my goals, regardless of what anyone else thought about them or me. However, as a husband and father, I limited myself. Despite remaining clear about my desires, perfectionism got the best of me. In response to the uncertainty of not being able to figure out how to be the ideal husband and father, I unconsciously adopted contemporary notions of how a father SHOULD act, and the role a father SHOULD play in the life of his family, which did not always align with my deepest passions. Note: SHOULD indicates that “I AM AFRAID!!!”. In this case, I was afraid to fail as a father and husband, which was actually a result of narrowly confining my self-worth to two small categories (husband and father). I was unaware that we are all much more than the sum total of our accomplishments or what we do to make a living, which is why we are referred to as human be-ings, not human do-ings. And, I had not yet learned to approach “the unknown” with the spirit of adventure (enthusiasm), as if whatever happens next could only be AWESOME (as my son and his pre-school friends would say)!

Instead, when faced with the opportunity to create a lifestyle of fatherhood that suited me, I deferred to the familiar - what society had defined as normal and acceptable- because it made me feel comfortable. My fear of failure caused me to look outside of my self for a solution (which loyal readers of Coach’s Corner KNOW is always mistake #1). Due to my lack of awareness about how to access the indwelling intelligence of the soul (i.e. meditation, chanting, deep breathing, etc.), I believed I needed to add something to me to realize my goals. In reality, we are all born with everything we need – the soul contains the wisdom we desire for any situation. We just have to ask!

Finally, over time, my focus shifted = “I directed my energy” away from the authentic desires of my soul to the socialized thoughts about how I SHOULD be in the world. My inner desire never died, but its intensity was diminished by repeated thoughts and messages that my child and family come first. I now know that I must come first, then others. Why? Think about this common airplane announcement, “In case of emergency, please place your mask on first before helping the person next to you.” The same rules apply for your energy! Or, as naturopathy practitioner Phyllis “Dr. Phyll” Hubbard (www.radianthealthstrategies.com) would say, “Love is first injected, then projected!” Bottom line: focus your energy on yourself, first, then others to avoid feeling drained and burnt-out.

How We Can Re-Member (put things back in order)

I use these 3 rules to transform my life and create harmony between my thoughts and emotions; especially around being a husband and father:

Rule #1: “Stay in Your Lane!” – Your only responsibility is to name what you want; the Universe’s job is to come up with how it will happen. Allow the process to unfold!
Rule #2: “You are Enough!” – Trust what you know! Just because you don’t know how a thing could possibly happen doesn’t mean it can’t. Allow yourself to not know, just be!
Rule #3: “Don’t SHOULD on Yourself!” – Think about why you think what you think! Don’t just accept the status quo simply because it’s all you’ve ever known. How you think about your past informs your current way of thinking. Ask yourself if your beliefs still serve you. If they don’t, then change them. Allow your experiences to teach you!

I invite you to contemplate these three rules and think about if something may have happened to you in the past that may prevent you from having an open heart or being open-minded in any area. If so, what happened to you? Where might you be closed off from allowing energy to flow?

Bringing it All Together

Establishing healthy communities involves examining our beliefs, re-defining concepts that do not serve us, and cultivating awareness about what is influencing our thoughts, behaviors, speech and actions. By becoming aware and re-acquainting yourself with your soul, you employ your ability to create the life you desire for yourself. Just by being you, you model to others how to enjoy this creative ability, which they can practice to create the lives of their dreams for themselves. Collectively, by focusing attention on cultivating awareness of our minds, bodies and souls – not in isolation, but in an environment that is conducive to our growth and the growth and well-being of those who support and depend on us for mutual support, we can create new communities of choice.

These expressions of self-love combine to create spaces where our souls are acknowledged as real, valued through exploration and inquiry, and cultivated through personal meditation and group exchange. As always, I invite you to try it out to see what works for you! Remember, practice makes perfect, and we are not here to go it alone. So, seek support to help you along the journey.

Stay tuned for the next entry, which is a special series on the importance of forgiveness to breaking through!

Unconditionally,

Your coach,

Marcus

Marcus is a Newfield Network trained Ontological Coach, which serves as an ideal vehicle to further realize his personal empowerment objectives. Marcus, his wife and four year-old-son live in New Jersey

He can be reached at marcus@blackandbrownnews.com