.I get genuinely excited about writing for Coach’s Corner! Doing so invites me to examine my own life on a regular basis, employing the ontological model for living the life of my dreams and sharing my experience with you in hopes that you will find value in my offerings.
Trust me when I tell you that each expression requires periodically suspending judgment whenever thoughts emerge about whether what I have written will have any impact at all, or whether it is simply a vehicle of self-indulgence. Yet, based on your feedback, the process has consistently offered something of value that supports living happy, fulfilling lives. This process demonstrates for me the true power of being in community, which involves allowing our true selves (including our thoughts, emotions, desires) to be accessible by others. In a word, this is about the soul.
Being Accountable For Your Part – You Must Redefine Your Reality
It has often been said that we come into this world naked and alone, and we leave the same way. Other common sayings conjure pictures of crabs in a barrel, picking oneself up by “bootstraps”, and villages raising children. Such notions have influenced our political and social imaginations, causing us to envision lonely solitary lives that do not celebrate or value the core of what makes us special as human beings, our essence – our souls. It is therefore critical for us to be aware of the forces that influence our thinking, and we must revisit and redefine some critical concepts connected to our shared values and ways of living.
I offer as an example the term sacrifice. Within your lifetime, you have all experienced a friend or family member who assumed responsibility for someone else’s child. We typically admire this act and the level of sacrifice it entails. However, because we do not all define sacrifice the same way, its implications could work for or against us based on how we interpret our observations of this situation. Let me explain. As practice for redefining my own reality, I choose to define sacrifice as “making my actions sacred”. However, in the past, I had experienced this differently.
Through my observations of family, religion, and various forms of media/entertainment/pop culture (i.e. news, books and movies), I associated sacrifice with “giving up something”, or “diminishing my own value or self-worth for the betterment of something or someone else”.
Clearly, the first definition honors my well-being and allows me to serve others using my unique talents and insights – operating from a posture of strength. The latter places the needs of others before mine, making me vulnerable to resentment, focusing more on others than myself, and deriving my self-worth from my ability to please or disappoint others – a recipe for utter distraction and disempowerment.
Bottom line: My life experience of sacrifice had informed my interpretation of the concept. It was therefore my responsibility (ability to respond to situations) to un-learn and reinterpret the concept of sacrifice to make it work for me.
This is our birthright and our mental power! I invite you to try it on. What opportunities exist to re-define your personal reality?
Understanding the Impact of Culture on Our Worldview
My mother and father both had 11 brothers and sisters (22 aunts and uncles for me!), and as a family, we did everything together. We laughed and sang, argued and fought, talked about what was happening in our lives, and still managed to support each other through situations when things were not happening as hoped or expected. I especially remember how subtle expressions of spirituality were always present when we did things together such as eating – “blessing the food”, celebrating births – “christening/baptism/naming ceremony”, marriage – “making a public commitment before higher power and community”, and mourning – “home-going ceremony/funeral/wake”. Regardless of our differences in religious practices, income, or life situations, we openly expressed our love and other emotions to each other through word and deed.
However, I also recall navigating life outside of my family structure in a society that seemed to steer me away from cultivating the self-assuredness and happiness derived from my emotional well-being unless it involved focusing my attention on sharpening my intellect (mind), achievement (educational attainment, job), and acquiring items that connote personal success (spouse, house/car). For the heart (emotions), there was only contempt; the body seemed only to be a source of pleasure or vanity? This imbalanced contributed to a history of problems relating with myself and others. Essentially, I had surrendered my sovereignty – my freedom to choose and be as I am – for what others had defined as valuable. Sound familiar?
Such scenarios result from a lack of awareness – not knowing your purpose (why your exist) or function (how you work), and therefore, not having clear goals (expressions that give your psyche something to aim for) and objectives (plans for reaching your goals). We have steadily adopted a worldview that does not acknowledge the legitimacy of various ways of understanding the world, which in-turn devalues our cultures, families, and ultimately ourselves. Indeed (and thought), we have become our own worst enemies! We no longer need an external oppressor to disenfranchise us because our belief systems have become the strongest of prisons for our most valued resource – our indwelling intelligence, our souls.
Stay tuned for insight into freeing yourself and reclaiming your personal power. Changing your life begins with a genuine desire to do so. The rest is a process that involves practice, openness, and practicing a new way of living your life. To begin your transformation, identify what you would like to redefine in your current life situation. The invitation is open. The choice is yours.
Your coach,
Marcus
Marcus is a Newfield Network trained Ontological Coach, which serves as an ideal vehicle to further realize his personal empowerment objectives. Marcus, his wife and four year-old-son live in New Jersey
He can be reached at marcus@blackandbrownnews.com
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