Hello and welcome to BBN’s Coach’s Corner. Thanks for making time in your schedule to read this account today. You may recall that we ended 2009 by examining how to create thriving Black and Brown communities. It seems appropriate to begin the New Year by sharing some personal reflections about the past year, then resuming a discussion about one of the cornerstones of creating the life you desire – Self-love. Here goes!
Writing this column has changed me. My original intent was to share my perspective as an personal coach on issues that uniquely impact Black and Brown communities. Although I have stayed true to this commitment, my experience with living the lessons has deepened my comprehension of the concepts.
For example, those of you who may be accustomed to bi-weekly entries may have noticed fewer accounts toward the end of the year. Why? Because practicing what I preach made it necessary for me to write less and to apply the concepts to my life, more. As a result, I began to align with the flow of Autumn, thereby focusing my energy into rest, renewal and introspection – less on writing.
Additionally, I noticed a change in my language. In this case, the more I practiced awareness of my body posture, breathing, and remaining open to my emotions, the more I became inclined to describe my experiences in terms of energy and vibrations. This was no small thing for me. Let’s examine why.
My Breakthrough -Taking The Leap!
When I began to describe life in terms of managing energy, I became afraid that some of you might judge my new language as too extreme. I thought you might say, “He was doing alright before he started talking about the Universe and vibrations and stuff! Now he’s losing me.” However, honoring myself entails sharing how applying the steps offered through the Coach’s Corner have helped me see things in a new light.
Essentially, the practice of focusing attention on myself (not other people) and my passion (not my fears) has helped me reach the following conclusions about who we are as human beings:
1. We are energy beings that are microcosms of the Universe, so observing how the cosmos work (physics) helps us to understand how we work (anatomy), like the saying, ”As above, below.”
2. We direct energy using thought and speech, so what we repeatedly think and say materializes in our life experience; and
3. Our journeys allow us to practice applying the lessons we learn throughout our lives, revealing different levels of self-mastery, including our ability to envision, create, and inspire.
Thank you for allowing me to practice being courageous by facing my fear, telling my story, and declaring who I am. Its your turn now!
Relating as a Community
To resume our examination of community - how to relate with others - I’d like to define four key terms. You will find as you read them that the list itself may generate a feeling or tone of empowerment.
1. Intimacy – Revealing your true self (thoughts, goals, aspirations) to others
2. Courage - Making decisions that closely align you with your heart’s desires - your passions
3. Encouragement - Creating a space for another person to be courageous
4. Love – Being present, receptive, and curious without judgment or expectation
We become proficient at whatever we say and do on a regular basis, for better or worse - intentionally or not. In my case, I have often felt unfulfilled and alone. I was full of unexpressed emotions, and it numbed me - preventing me from hearing and trusting my intuition. Unknowingly, I was creating my own misery! Here’s how:
1. Keeping my most personal thoughts and desires inside sent a message to others that I did not want to be bothered with them.
2. By constantly thinking about what was missing in my life, I focused my energy on my pain, which created more pain because energy follows thought.
3. I had a strong desire to be healthy, happy and whole, but I rarely shared my feelings with my wife or actively took initiative to incorporate desired activities into my life.
Why We Sabotage Ourselves
Fear of rejection, self-judgment and self doubt kept me isolated, lonely, and out of synch with my true nature. I forgot how to have fun, and it caused to me diminish the value of my life and to lose my dignity. For example, I couldn’t believe others when they tried to point out my special qualities because prolonged self-loathing bred distrust in my judgment and my intuition. Soon, my mood fluctuated between severe highs and lows, and I punished myself with near burn-out pace by demanding perfection.
Ironically, I demanded fairness from the external world, but being unloving with myself repelled it. I never allowed myself to receive care from me, so I couldn’t receive it from anyone else. I secretly felt unworthy.
If you can relate to this account, there is hope. There are many of us who love you for exactly who you are, despite the lack of tenderness you show yourself. Try to open your mind and heart, then ask for help. This is the first step. Next, practice being aware of opportunities to listen and connect with others, share your feelings, and contemplate and set goals for creating the life you desire. And don’t be so hard on yourself!
These are expressions of Self-love. We will continue to examine more of these further as we explore the art of building thriving communities. Until the next entry, practice redirecting your energy into what you care most about in your life.
Happy New Year!
Your Coach,
Marcus
Marcus is a Newfield Network trained Ontological Coach, which serves as an ideal vehicle to further realize his personal empowerment objectives. Marcus, his wife and four year-old-son live in New Jersey
He can be reached at marcus@blackandbrownnews.com
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